Benadryl is not your friend!

Good evening readers!

I am suffering from the side effects of a Benadryl tablet. I am so outta of it right now, I'm amazed I'm actually typing and making sense!!!!! The last couple of days, I've been suffering from sinus pressure and congestion with itchy, sore throat. Today, my throat felt as if it were swelling. So I thought by taking Benadryl, I could counter this. Unfortunately the only thing that has happened is me attempting to vacuum under the influence ( not an easy task I tell ya).

Today like the rest of the week was slow. Nothing exciting happened today except I bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie ice cream. Trust me. It is to die for. Since I don't have much to bitch about, I thought I would talk more about prep for Iraq and getting there.

After arriving in Mosul, Iraq, we spent the night in these awesome mortar bull's eyes. Just regular connex or trailers. These sardine cans are basically a roof over your head and a bit of protection from the elements. It's totally not safe to be in there during a mortar attack. Trust me. You don't want to see what one looks like after being hit. It actually provides more shrapnel to the round. You could hear the booms from the mortars that were being launched from outside the base. It sounds like thunder with a maniacal grunt. All night long you wondered if 5 seconds after the boom, you would see the world end. The other thing you would hear is the sound of gun fire. The rat-a-tat-tat of AK-47s, and the pow of pistols are interludes in the night. A chaotic mind would find all this sounds of hate soothing and romantic. For me, I knew it marked a long year.

The next day, we had to travel to base we were assigned to. We were headed to the lovely city of Tal Afar. Tal Afar is in the Ninewa Province in Northwest Iraq (Mosul is to. It is the 3rd largest city in Iraq). Tal Afar is close to Syria, about a 1 1/2 ride by Stryker. It is the home of approximately 10,000 people. The majority (severe majority) are Turkomen. Turkomen are related to nomadic Turks who settled in Iraq many years ago. These people for whatever reason left Turkey to search for a land that would sustain them and be secure for there people. They found the village/city of Tal Afar. Turkomen are Sunni Muslims. Most are illiterate. The speak a dialect of Arabic which is comprised of mostly Turkish words with a hint/bit of Iraqi Arabic. A linguist who speaks Turkish will be able to understand them, while an Arabic linguist will have a hard time if they can understand any. Some Turkomen do speak Arabic, but it's really bad (from what I'm told).

Due to my knee injury, my team leader let me fly up to the old airport that was transformed into an army FOB (forward operating base). I flew in a Sherpa. Cute little plane that sounds kinda like a pissed off Tinkerbell. I watched 3 people vomit on the 40 minute flight. It was fun. When I got there I secured rooms for my team who were coming up by Stryker. Then I waited. When they got there it was dark. However, the security section that we were replacing still gave us the 50 cent tour. The only thing I got out of it was on Sundays, the DFAC (chow hall) served seafood. That included lobster.

For the next two weeks we did handovers and ride-a- longs. It sucked. It was hot, the flies carried Leishmaniasis (at least 40% of people at our base contracted), and I began to really despise talking to detainees. About a month in, Ramadan came. The city of Mosul began to fall. US troops throughout Ninewah Province with firepower went to help out. I know the police station fell, but I don't remember what exactly the extent was. It was bad. Several of THTs were sent out to provide fire support. Our super computer geek who was assigned to a base in Mosul actually picked a guy off a roof top from a moving Stryker. It took a week to bring calm back. It's hard to believe that so much violence happens during a holy time. Then again, the rules are ( as quoted by a detainee), "You must not violate the rules of the Qua ran during the daylight hours. After the sun sets, you can eat, drink, and live." I guess Allah and Mohammad can't see Iraq if the sun isn't up.

Hey, don't fret, this is only up to like a month or so in, I still have 11 more to go. Stay tuned!

Looking at small advantages
prevents great affairs from being accomplished

--Confucius


Lady Yokai

Easy, Breezy Day.

Hi Guys and Gals!

As my title says, today was easy and breezy. Work was slow yet whimsical. I think I had the most fun today at work than any other time while working for the man. We giggled, sang, and laughed the entire time I was there. I think the majority of employees were in such a silly mood, it was infectious.

The closing went well. Quite a bit of paper work to go through. The final appraisal was about 10,000 dollars less than the original. This didn't hurt too bad, but still it was a pisser. It doesn't matter. The deal closed. We will have a better mortgage company, shittier rate, but at least all our credit cards will be paid off, we will finish the bathroom, get Mucky spayed ( so she can stop pissing and shitting where ever she bloody feels like), and increase our savings and insurance policies. Oh, we can also get started putting back for Ireland.

So, that's all that I have except for the 12 y/o boy who got lost in the woods in South Carolina, I think it was. Of all the things, his dad was worried because the kid has ADD, and didn't have his meds. What?!!!! Are we seriously classifying ADD as life threatening as Diabetes, heart conditions, or Asthma? I'm glad the kid was found, but come on. Leave it alone, Yokai!!!

Now, where to go next with my Iraq experience. I think I mentioned I am a "dead eye." I was not a phenomenal soldier. Nor was I at the peak of my physical and mental capacity. I was a wreck. I mean I was as chipper as could be considering, but let's face it. I was going to war. Regardless of how I felt, or what I wanted.

I think it's important to touch on one more thing before I go on. My previous unit in the Netherlands, we, well, we were a dysfunctional family. We could have conversations without speaking. We were the Intel guys in the sharp suits and outfits. Don't get me wrong. We were sick fucks, and we play mind games on each other. Most importantly, I couldn't have thought of any better people to go to war with. I wasn't so lucky with my new unit. It was 3 months before anyone actually acknowledged that I was a thinking being. I was just a "female" soldier. A "strategic" female soldier who was girly. I didn't have a 300 PT score (a perfect score) I couldn't run with the male soldiers, carry as much weight, ruck as long/far, I didn't want to be hardcore. I really just wanted to finish my enlistment and get the hell out. I guess, everyone there wanted to be there. They wanted to be seen as equal or even better than the person next to them. A female, you had to slack up on the feminism while in uniform or you just weren't as good as a male. Of course this is never said. It will never be admitted, but you can feel it. You can smell it. It aches in your bones, and pulls at your soul. Even the female soldiers saw me as just "one of those" female soldiers. I guess that's why I was such a wreck. The mental damage was done when I stepped onto the fort. It was done without a single word being said.

Happy part of this is after week out in the desert of Washington State, I build a bond with four of the toughest girls I have ever met. I keep in contact with two now. They are back in Iraq as contractors. They're doing good things. I don't care what the critics say. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to create a work of art. Childbirth is painful, it ugly, and disgusting. Amazingly no one complains after that sweet and precious baby is born. I digress. I learned much from them. With there help, I made it out of Iraq.

When I got to Iraq, my Platoon Sgt met my team. She hugged me, and handed me SGT rank. She also told me to get ready. I might be taking a team of my own. She just had no idea what her prediction meant.

More to come,

Good night,

I am open to the guidance
of synchronicity, and don not let
expectations hinder my path.

--Dalai Lama

Yokai

How do I begin?

Hello Friends!

Today we finally got word the we will be closing on our re-finance tomorrow round-a-bout 2-ish. Yeah! A waive of relief has splashed over me. Unfortunately, I had to re-reschedule my tattoo for next Tuesday. I don't care. I just want this re-fi headache to be over!

Well, no time better than the present to start my epic on Iraq.

To start, I guess it's best to tell you the type of soldier I was before Iraq. I was a free-thinker. Always slightly changing the color of her hair, being opinionated, but tactfully and respectfully, and somewhat outgoing. I was also not a "wower." You know. One of those people that never brought undue attention on herself, except for not qualifying on her rifle or pistol. I suck firearms. I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. But, through patience and a lot of willing the 9mm and 5.56mm rounds, I would eventually qualify. I was mediocre at PT (physical training). For the first year I was in the Army, I failed my sit-up test. I never really got the concept of a sit-up. As women are supposedly "abdominally" strong. I was the weakest link. I can crunch like nobody's business, but a sit-up, forget about it! I was pretty good at my MOS. Counterintelligence. I even really liked it. I felt special. I kinda miss it.

I did my first tour assigned to a unit in Darmstadt, Germany. That unit was a strategic MI unit. This means that 97B and 97E ( Counterintelligence agents and Interrogators) wore civilian clothes. I was sent to a detachment in the southern portion of the Netherlands near NATO base. My task was briefings, debriefings, and meetings. Boring, but occasionally I got to go TDY (temporary duty--somewhere else). There was also some military training and MOS maintenance.

None of that prepared me for my next duty station.

My next assignment was at FT. Lewis, WA. I was assigned to FORSCOM unit. No longer strategic. I was tactical, and a member of a Tactical HUMINT Team (THT). The next six months, I trained for Iraq. Of course it didn't compare to the real experience. For what it was worth, It was pretty decent training. It at least got me somewhat in the mindset. Yes, I was trained to walk the grounds with the Infantry, kick down doors, enter a room in a stack, shoot while moving, react during an ambush/attack, and pull injured people at of a disabled vehicle. Of course there was the training for the job I would be doing in Iraq. The collection of human intelligence, or information from people.

Among all my prep for deployment, I picked up anxiety attacks, sharp mood swings, and crying fits. I felt the world was crashing in on me, and that I was suffocating. I was also suffering from a knee injury from my previous unit ( While running after work one day, I tripped and rolled half a block down a hill landing on a car. Yes, I'm a klutz!). I was treated with anti-anxiety pills and "stress management" class. Totally did nothing for me, but I smiled, and pretended in front of my unit like nothing was wrong.

No one really tells you it's okay that you are not okay with deployment. You're a soldier. This is what you are paid to do. The who's and why's don't really matter when it comes to war. So you accept that you have made your bed. You accept that people who are not in your boots don't understand or are against you. You accept that your life will ultimately be changed for the rest of your life. Now you just have to swallow all this, and not look like you are gagging on it. There is no one to turn to. At least you feel this way, because to search for help, is doubting yourself. Make yourself appear less. So you suck it up, and drive on.

That's what I did. I begin to shut of many emotions because they became to unbearable. I didn't want to think about how I wanted my remains to be handled, what would my husband do while I was gone, who wouldn't come back with me, or if I would come back in a wheelchair. I just didn't want to know. The biggest one for me was I didn't want to comeback missing anything. It had to be all or nothing. Very grim, huh. I still remember my requests for my remains. Cremated. My ashes sprinkled around a lighthouse. Didn't matter which one. The ones in Washington had black sand. That would have been cool. I think I wanted November Rain, by Guns and Roses played at my funeral.

Before I knew it, it was time to go. A week before, I found out I had been picked up for E5 (Sergeant). It took me 13 months to get pinned. I still remember. On the way to Iraq, it was just my team in a waiting lounge of the Military Airport in Frankfurt, Germany. I was pinned. Welcomed to the time honored tradition of the Non-Commissioned Officer. Crazy. I went to the promotion board just down the street in Darmstadt.

I guess that's enough for this evening,

The average man,

who does not know what to do with his life,

wants another one which will last forever.

--Anatole France

Yokai

Just when we thought it was over...

Evening blogytes!

Someone from work told me she had heard winter was like a boxer on the ropes flinging his arms out at the other boxer as a last ditch effort. Nothing is closer than the truth today. It was in the 60's earlier this week only to end on Friday with snow. I think we must have gotten at least 5 inches. It took me and Hubby from 9 AM to 1:30PM to clean off our two vehicles, the driveway, and walk way in front of our house. Tomorrow, he will shovel the bank properties and his list of house. He makes about 50 bucks per property. So I guess it good business. Unfortunately, I get to stay home and worry about him on the dangerous icy roads. Thank the deities we got him a vehicle with real time 4WD.

Speaking of Hubby, he is out having the monthly "Poker Night" with the boys from work. It's good for him I think. He never hangs out nor does he have friends to do it with. I spent my evening picking up a bit, having a glass of vodka (totally against my meds! I'm such a rebel), enjoying a nice shower, and reading a bit. I'm off hiatus from Lamb since I finished, My year as an Islam Radical. It was a good read. Kinda slow, but I'm slower when I read non-fiction. It was very interesting especially, if you are into the whole getting into the minds of Islamic extremists. I love different outlooks on it, and the best is not some guy sitting in an office who conducts some weird study without even talking to a Muslim. The best is the people themselves. I guess that's what I miss about Iraq the most is learning from the people I encountered. Muslims are so different from us, yet fundamentally the same.

I think I lean more towards not favoring the ideas of liberals and democrats about Iraq, Muslims, and the Islamic faith/way of life because many of these people talk right out of their asses without ever knowing the nature of what they speak. I met one woman at the bookstore who was a self-proclaimed, "Speaker Against American Imperialism and Barbaric Ways." She came in to get a book on how America entered Iraq to claim the oil and not for Saddam and to help the people. She was very adamant about how wrong we are for disturbing them. She kept asking me how anyone could serve in the military and just hurt people. I told her, they serve because that's their job. If someone is hurt, it was not intentional. Bad things happen there as they do here. She scowled at me. I asked if she had ever spoken to an Iraqi before. She said she had not, but it didn't matter, because she knows that they are just wanting freedom so they can make their own choices and live in peace. I bluntly told here, that she should really speak to one before she defends them. Iraqis in general are self centered. They only thing of the collective good if it will benefit them individual. I know this sounds harsh. You have to understand, these people are tribal. They are not Americans. They do not live by our same beliefs. It bothers me when people attempt to impose American traits and values on a different culture. Trust me, they wouldn't care to help us if they could, and if they occupied our country, a lot worse than blowing up schools and hospitals would happen to us.

Now there are ones (non Muslims mostly) that are more outward focused. Kurds (Muslim), Christians, Jews, Yzidis all who were persecuted under Saddam and his predecessors, are more willing to commit to establish peace. There's a catch. They also want safe haven. At least they don't openly say we're swines! By they way, two of the most awesome guys in the world were Yzidis. They are working with the troops on the ground as translators. Both were my translators. They want to make their way here to the US to study. One wants to finish his Masters in Pharmaceuticals and the other wants to be a soldier. I miss those two. Every blue moon, I get an email from one.

So I've been mulling over how to tell my story. So I came up with a little at a time. So every entry I make, I will have a piece of my trip. I really don't know how long this will take. I guess until I'm done.

Good Night!

An inch of time is an inch of gold:
Treasure it.

--Loy Ching-Yuen


Yokai Kifujin

Collecting my Thoughts....

Evening all.

I spent another day locked inside my head running through a maze that has no end. At least that's what it seems like. After two weeks of "talk" therapy for my "adjustment" syndrome (the new passive term for shell shock or Post traumatic stress disorder) I was recommended for anxiety medication. I started yesterday which is probably why I couldn't write anything yesterday. By 9 PM, I was exhausted and dizzy. Hey, no change! I feel like that now. I think other than fucking my world up, allowing me to have at least 3 thoughts in my head going simultaneously, and a bad case of the jitters, the worst part of this med is that I would wake up two or three times every hour last night, and finally wide awake at 4 AM. My alarm goes off at 5. The demon is not happy.

Tonight I went to a book signing for The Last of the Donkey Pilgrims, by Kevin O'Hara. It was great, and there was live music. A little Irish folk music to put you in the mood of hearing tales of a man, a donkey, and a journey around Ireland. Mr. O'Hara was funny. I fell in love with the donkey and I haven't even seen her. I can't wait to read this book. Unfortunately, it is no. in my queue. Bummer.

In my absence, Hubby decided to go through some of our unfiled paperwork. So everything that was tucked not- so- neatly away is now scattered in piles throughout the kitchen. He is giving me the evil eye. I assume that means I need to go through them. Great. He always seems to start projects no earlier than 10 PM. He's one of those night people that feels that if they aren't staying up late doing tasks and/or hobbies, the day isn't complete. He also gets a stiff jolly from seeing me get frustrated as I motion towards my computer signaling that I am typing. Means I should wrap this up.

I think next week I will start sharing memories from Iraq. I just need to collect my thoughts and figure out how to get a year's worth of joy, sadness, pride, humor, and disappointment in a couple of blog entries. Meditate on this I will.

Well, be good. If you must break a 100 to pay for a 50 cent newspaper, at least be cheery about it to the cashier. I personally hate assholes that come into the store, and as the first customer of the day, pay for a 50 cent paper with a big fat Benjamin. Also, the asshole that pays for a $11.59 cent book with pennies. That shit is fucked up. It is too fucking early in the morning for that!!! Oh, I 'm sorry. (See what I mean about my head is all screwed up!)

Sleep well all.

Our contribution to the progress
of the world must, therefore, consist
in setting our own house in order.

--Mahatma Gandhi (I love this quote. Truth from the G-man)

Yokai

Re-Fianancing take 2

Good evening!

Uhhh. Who would have guessed that re-financing your home would be such a pain in the ass. This is the second mortgage company we are going through. The first had that wonderful honor of renigging on us and hour after giving us a clear to close so they could backtrack and add and additional 2pts. That was lovely. Fuck you assholes! So square one again. The best part about re-financing is explaining the unhappy spots on your credit. The first company wanted a generic what's going on with you letter. The new company wants a pin point, what happened, blow by blow, in big red ink explanation of one or two events. Now I have to try and remember what happened. The incident they are asking about, I don't even know what happened. I think we may have been late or something. It was in the rocky time when I switched off unemployment and took the 170 buck pay cut to work at the bookstore. Whatever. I just hope they get this shit done. We've been working this for almost a month now.

I hate to be the insensitive American, but why on Earth do they allow people with heavy non-American accents even speak on the phone. Seriously. If this is you, never speak to anyone on the phone who does not speak your native tongue. Life will just be that much simpler. I think miscommunication is a bitch, and leads to frustration and general xenophobia! Today, I spoke with a woman with a heavy African accent. Between her diction and mine, we were both highly irritated with each other. I didn't understand her being upset because we can't predict exact times when shipment of books from the warehouse will happen, and she didn't understand my not giving a fuck because she is a retard and needs to have a helper so she can adjust here in our big scary don't give two shits American world. WTF!!!! She should have brought her non-American language understanding ass to the store! I could have drawn her a picture!

Whew! I'm glad that's off my chest!

So Hubby is feeling better. Sort of. He went to work, but felt pukey and dizzy. What a whiner. I told him to take half a day until he felt better. I guess I'm an idiot.

It got into the upper 50's today. Guess what this transplanted N.E. girl did? She washed her car. Tell ya, there is nothing more relaxing than washing your car (by hand). I got out in the capris and a tank and it was me, soap that smells like bananas, turtle wax, and tire shine! Boy I love to shine the rims! If there is a "Girls Who Joygasm from Washing and Waxing their Cars" calender, I wanna be Ms. September! The best is the cherry scented tire shine that has blue sparklies in it! Hey, my orange cat Maxx even loves to rub against that stuff. It's, well, it's very intimate!

I don't think I did enough justice to the movie 300 the other day. First off, men in leather undies, So Hot!!!! The movie had a live action portraying a graphic novel feel to it. The colors were faded to give it a reminiscent look, which is great because ultimately, that was what it was. Best of all the queen was no bitch! She stands by her man, and for her people and land. This girl was prepared to do what it took. Bless her soul! The action was conceivable. Considering that this movie and the graphic novel were based of the battle of Thermopylae, I can go with it. I mean Spartans were the elite. They weren't just soldiers, they were warriors. I think the movie totally hit on that. The main villain was a bit of a stretch. I don't know if he was supposed to be a flaming homosexual or just asexually in love with himself. I can say, he loved the bling! The acting wasn't over the top, the graphics were awe inspiring, even the sound track was on it! Dude, go see this movie! Okay, the hunchback son of a Spartan guy kinda freaked me out. It doesn't matter, he was a pussy. The king said to him at the end , "to have a long life," basically saying that he wasn't worthy of a Spartan death. Not because the guy was deformed, but because he was a turncoat and a pussy!

So I guess I will end here. Oh, gotta see Grindhouse, Rose McGowen has a machine gun for a leg. Does that say "this movie rocks ass" or what!

Good Nite!


Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act

--Truman Capote

Yokai Kifujin

ISO A.O.K

Oh, one other thing! I passed my ISO inspection last week!!!

Yeah for me!!! Gift Rox!!!!!!!

Live your own life. That is to say,
where you are, with what you are,
and with who you are.

--Swami Prajnanpad


Lady Yokai

Welcome Twilight. Welcome Dusk

Hello Everyone!

It is dusk of my first paid vacation day. I have decided to take the rest of my days my two friends from Iraq come. I will familiarize myself with Mass and the New England area. Well, maybe I will. So, if anyone out there has any ideas, I am all for it. Please send them to me. I would just like to say, that I'm not particularly fond of Boston. I think they can live without seeing it unless someone out there believes their is something worth seeing.

I went to see 300 on opening night! I thought the cinematography was awesome. The feeling was as if the graphic novel opened and you were watching the story. But it wasn't cartoony. It was as close as live action could probably get to graphic novel look without being cheesy. Yes, there was violence and a scene were a rhino and two elephants were killed, but once you got past that, the movie was phenomenal. The acting was not overdone, the men were hot, the villains were evil. I loved it!!!! I want to take Hubby to see it in the IMAX theater down in Enfield. I think that would make the experience. A must have on disc.

Now you may have caught I didn't take Hubby. He was sick from Thursday evening til now. He feels better or maybe that he has no choice but to go to work tomorrow. Friday and Saturday he has a blistering fever that held between 101 and 103F. I managed to keep room temp wet towels on him and give him fever reducers (either Tylenol or NyQuil). If the temperature would have lasted one more day, he was going to the hospital. He had chills, hot and cold flashes, hard dry coughs, and head and chest congestion. He was miserable. He finally got his appetite back yesterday. Now he is outside in the twilight of dusk doing guy stuff in the garage. 20 minutes ago he had the air compressor going.

During his sleep periods in the day, I joined a friend and went the Whole Health Expo. I bought $130 worth of books. Jeez. All on Wicca. I feel so crappy about my studies. I'm behind I think 3 weeks now. I suck as a Wiccan. I know. Religion is a life study. Patience is a virtue. It just seems other Wiccans are so into everything and know so much. I can't even focus enough to sit and read one page a day. I bought some audio books on the Wicca path. They are lessons and studies. So I seem to respond well to audio books. I'll give it a whirl. I also bought a new pendulum. I will be the first to say I suck at divination, but as I walked by a table display of them, this oddly shaped one called to me. Pulled me. I picked it up and for the first time I held a pendulum perfectly still. A sign from the deities. I bought it with a booklet and dowsing disk to help me with the practice. I guess there is still hope for me yet. The books store is called Mondazzi Books. If you are interested check out their site. They have links that take you to the discount books. I can't wait til they have an open to the public day at the warehouse. I'm so going!

Speaking of audio books, I finished the Circle Trilogy by Nora Roberts. I loved it!!! I think, I want to have a lesbian one night affair with Nora for the joy she has given me over the last month or so. Well, maybe not a lesbian affair, but definitely my total devotion on audio book purchases. I think the next one I'll buy is the Irish Jewel Trilogy.

So now, I'm inspired. I need to look at flight prices for Ireland. Any suggestions? I think Dublin is probably the best to fly into.

The sun has set. I hope everyone remembered to set their clocks forward!

It is there, right where you are;
If you seek it, obviously
you don not see it.

---Muso Kikushi

Yokai

Blogatus

Long time no type/read!!!!

I wish you good tidings my fellow blogytes. I took I guess a bit of a hiatus from the blog. I didn't mean to, but it just happened. My alter ego is feeling mental bruised and battered, and just could not wrap my head around things. So for the last week and a half, I battled restlessness, but extreme exhaustion, a loss of focus/concentration, and a general lack of wanting to exist.

I feel a bit better. I'm also trying to get back into the my habits: reading, studying Wicca, exercising, eating reasonable portions and no fast food. It is a very slow process trying to get back to where you were before depression hits. It seemed as though all the energy was sucked outta me.

So far I think the thing that started this decent was the ever changing schedule for the refi of our house. It went from being a week long simple hassle to being a 3 week sporadic and crushing event. The closer we got to closing the more things the mortgage company or the under writer decided they would need. So other than telling this to us upfront, they waited until it was a "overnight me" issue. We finally got a clear to close yesterday at 10 am. The big thing that made me mad was the lawyer kept setting times that I was either at work or at an appointment, because my life needs to stop for everyone else's convenience Friday I got so pissed off, I yelled at Hubby and told him I would sign a power of attorney for him to sign all the paperwork for me. Nope. The mortgage company wouldn't go for that. Hence back to the under writer to put that in the final paperwork. So we were pushed back til Monday for that little blurb to go in the contract. Fuckers.

As I said, we got a clear to close by 10am. Paperwork was ready for our signatures. It just needed to be overnighted to our lawyer. At 10:30am, a rep for refi's at the mortgage company contact the loan guy. Due to the amount bankruptcies of home mortgage companies and banks that deal with home loans and the drop in the stock market last week, the US government has okayed all home loans (to include equity ones) deemed high risk (any of 7.25%) would be hit with 2 additional points ( this protects the mortgage companies and banks in case of foreclosure). So a 7.25% loan becomes 9.25%. This email reached the mortgage refi guys after he called our loan guy to okay the close. At 10:30 am, mortgage dude called loan dude to tell him the clear to close has been rescinded. The current documents were put on hold and he would be contacted in the future when our new interest rate would be determined. Yes. We were taking to loans. One for the house at 7% and a $10,000 on at 10% to finish the bathroom and pay off our credit cards. The second loan has to be redone, so the whole process has slammed into pause then reverse then stop. You know, an additional 2 points only raises the payment like 30 or 40 bucks, we're cool with that; we just want to close. Not that easy. Contracts have to be re-written by the under writer. So right now, I don't think anything is for certain. I rescheduled my tattoo which was on my requested day off on the 12Th so I can be open for this shit. The next available day was the 20Th. Fuck! At least it's a spiritual day for me. The Spring Equinox: Ostara.

To add to my frustration and depression, I have been cashiering the first two hours the store is open. We are still on minimal manning to catch up with the last fiscal year SPH. So the first three hours the store is open there usually isn't more than 10 of us in the store between the floor, cafe, and music. Very stressful because I think the most irritating customers, you know all the people that like to push buttons, come into the store when it first opens to "beat" the crowd. The angry returners (the ones that got a gift unsuitable for them) women with needy and ill behaved kids, senior citizens who are stuck in their ways, the people that don't sign the back of their credit cards, or the people who are generally offended because you asked to see ID with their credit cards. There's more!!! How about the assholes that come into the store wait in line (people behind them) and want to order a book at the cash register. When you refer them to customer service, they bitch about the wait in line, and your lack of customer service. Aughhh. Someone at the store simple told me, it maybe time for me to take vacation. The sign apparently is when you absolutely want to vomit on customers for being a dickhead, it's time for time off. I agree. I was there 2 weeks ago.

We bought the kids a 7 foot cat tower. They love it. There are four spots to nap. Usually all four are taken. The left over cat will sleep on their old 3 foot tower. It's been awhile since I saw the cats in a good mood. It warms my stone heart.

There is a book I'm curious about, I've looked it up and read reviews. It's called The Last of the Donkey Pilgrims, by Kevin O'Hara. The author will be doing a book signing at our store on the 15Th. I think I will buy a copy of the book and go to the signing. Basically, I guy goes to his land of heritage, Ireland to do some soul searching. He embarks on the 1800 mile trip around the island walking along side a donkey. Sounds crazy, but, sometimes to find ourselves, we have to lose our minds, our ways, and many pairs of comfortable shoes. So I'll be sure to let you know about this one too. My book cue is huge right now. I promise, if anyone out there is curious, I will let ya know about the books I'm reading. I also have in my cue a book called, Real Vampires Have Curves. A full figured vampire who wasn't impressed with clothes at Lane Bryant, so she starts her own boutique. I love it. One day I'll get to that one too.

The final thing I wanted to touch on is I'm finally seeing a counselor. It's nice to have someone attempt to pay attentions to your feeble ramblings. Tomorrow I have to take some psych tests. She wants to verify my PTSD and to see if there are any other issues. I feel like a well dressed lab rat. I guess that's cool. They get feed well if they are being injected with cancer. Our second session was all about my mother-in-law. It felt good to actually say how I felt to somebody with out getting that judgemental look.

So, it's getting late and I need to feed my cats. Remember, 300 starts tomorrow!!! Try to see it. And if you like that and Sin City, I believe there is another movie by the same director is coming out in April. It's called Grindhouse. Check out the website! Frank Miller is preparing Sin City 2, life is getting to be sweeeeeeeeeet!!!!!

My send off is from an email Hubby sent me today.

The following was on my page a day calendar, they are 'phrases coined from sex and the city'. Let see if you can match them up…

WORDS: 1. Helicopter 2.
Mousewife
3. Karat dangler
4. Mitin
5. Guyatus
6. Yellular
7. Phone zit
8. E-mauling

DEFINITIONS:
A. Talking loudly on a cell phone due to a bad connection
B. A male housewife
C. Acronym for "more information than I needed
D. Stalking via e-mail
E. A boy- or girlfriend who hovers around their mate
F: A pimple on the chin that comes from talking on the phone too much
G. A woman who loves showing off her wedding or engagement ring
H. A hiatus from guys


Yokai Kifujin

Just ignore the giant squid in the kitchen. He's just visiting!

Good Evening, well I should say good night since it's so late!!!

I just felt like typing. Not much went on today.
I saw this guy here on Family Guy,"Death is a Bitch". I watched this episode today, and thought he was too funny.

Other than our phone modem being removed ( really you now need a modem for phone service!) and buying flip flops (my new favorite shoe), I did jack today. Hubby worked pretty much all day, and is now passed out on the couch. I did zip. Mucky thinks she is a fucking parakeet, and it is okay to poop on the floor from the top of the cat tower. Stupid little bitch!! We have got to get her fixed!

There is something very sinful about doing nothing. It's like taboo. The whole idle mind being the devil's workshop and all. You feel like shit because you weren't productive, but apparently not bad enough to get up and do something. Oh well, I guess it can't be helped now. Stop brooding , Yokai!

I visited a friend of mine's blog. I noticed previously he had a link to my site. So I slapped my self on the head. How could I have been so rude not to give him a return shout out?!!! So, you'll notice there is a link called Crackerjacked. He hasn't updated in about a month, but his archived stuff is great. Check it out.

So it begins. Girl Scout Cookie time. Those little bitches and their sugary goodness are out with their stupid little uniforms on, and their big pitiful eyes. They beg for you to buy their annual and highly inflated priced cookies. I'm sure the money goes to a good cause. I know where the 100 bucks worth of cookies are going. Straight to my Pilate's toned ass! I must not fall victim this year. Who am I kidding? I've already bought one box of Trefoils. They're already gone, and I bought them yesterday!!!! I hate those tiny twats!!!!! Don't they know swimsuit season in near? But they don't care. All they can think of is merit badge. Yep we are all walking rope knots and handmade birdhouses to them. And they sell them at the grocery store, Wal-mart, the mall. You know, the places you are the most vulnerable or you wallet is the most vulnerable and in view. If you say no, you just feel like an asshole. I usually say no to the ugly ones. Let's face it. Not every girl scout can be JonBenet. However, after seeing the movie, Little Miss Sunshine, I think I will buy from little girls that look like that. Yep, the pudgeroos that might have a shot of looking normal by the time they are thirteen. Maybe I just like underdogs. Anyway, a woman from Hubby's office will be at the mall with her 16 year old girl scout daughter selling them. Let me tell ya, that hope of looking better at 13 totally was wasted on this one. I guess I'll go and buy some from her.

The kid is great except for her "veganism". Don't get me wrong. I have several friends that are vegetarians, and they're cool. There is something about when veggies take the turn into vegan. I haven't met one vegan that wasn't snooty, uptight, arrogant, self-righteous, and just a plain out bitch. I'm sure there are vegans out there that are cool people that don't snub their nose at others and are fun and kind people, I'm just saying I haven't met any so far. This 16 year old rock star has been a vegan since she was 10. Trust me. A tall frothy glass of kindness and help me off my high horse would be a start in the right direction.

So minus the time I have been on this blog, I have been watching the History Channel's History of Sex marathon. Trust me, I've learned a lot about sex. Not only has this program stretched from the beginning of life and earth til now, it has also covered from the Far East to us here in the prudish US of A. I think if Americans were having more sex in more adventurous ways and places, there might be a little less war and contentment from other countries. Well, maybe not the Middle East. They think we're infidels so I don't think more sex on our part is going to help that. Maybe wild, crazy, stupid sex on theirs. But not with a camel or goat. When I was in Iraq, combat soldiers would entertain themselves with clips of Middle Eastern men caught defiling either a goat, sheep, or camel. The silly herders. What goes on in the pastures just doesn't stay in the pastures thanks to night vision.

So, I guess I should call it a night.

I have something sweet and sensual for tonight's send off:

Love is not "blind", but visionary:
It sees into the very heart of its object,
and sees the "real self" behind and in the midst
of the frailties and short comings of the person.

--Andreas Angyal

Sweet dreams,

Yokai Kifujin

Oops! Made a big mistake! My apologies!

Hi guys!

I have to apologize!

The pic that heads my last blog is not from the Boris Vallejo gallery. Nope. But it's from the Hajime Sorayama Pinup Gallery. Just click the link. These are pretty hot, sensual, sexy, raunchy, and just plain weird. But most importantly, impressive. I found this on an erotic art website called Arterotica.

Enjoy!

Be kind whenever possible...
It is always possible.
--Dalai Lama

Yokai

And the plot thickens....

Evening!

"All the world is a stage, and the people are merely actors." At least that's what Billy Shakespeare said. I dunno about that, I like to think people are more props than anything. Well, a good chunk of them are. Most people live life as is they were a boulder in the ground. Stiff, sturdy, unflinching, and uneventful. They exist because that's all there is. Weathering the storms, droughts, floods, and chills, but never really move unless a force of nature puts 'em in motion. These people just are.

Then there is the minority of people that are the wind itself. They move. Gust. Blow. Flirt. Breeze. Float. Rest. The wind is lively. It soars, tumbles, rages, laughs, and mourns. Passions run deep. The wind explores every avenue, and is not afraid to make its presence known. These people don't feel emotion, but are emotions themselves. Simply put, these people just do.

I really hope that I'm in the later. I know lately I've been a boulder or at least feeling myself going that way. I see the people that come into the bookstore, and many of them never do. They just are. They only exist because either that's all they know, or all that's important to them. Many have dreams, but don't ever plan on experiencing them. Boulders. One of the reasons I started this blog (other than to bitch about my life) was to never stop doing. For the hour or two it takes me to compose my thoughts, and plan out my pics and links, I roam as if I were a mustang running wild through plains. Wow. I can feel the air rushing through my tightly coiled kinks. I'm breathless. Hello Yokai! Back to reality!!!

So I'm kinda worried. When I got home, I watched the Weather Channel and Headline News because they were tracking severe storms in the south. Several tornadoes had ripped through Alabama. Two people were dead. The weather front is heading to Georgia. I'll call home tomorrow after the storm has passed to see if my family is okay.

I watched Stranger than Fiction starring Will Ferrell. It wasn't quite as funny as I hoped it would be, but still it was a great watch. I would have paid ten bucks to see it in a theater. Will Ferrell is one of my favorite actors, so it's never a waste of money to see him. I can't wait to see him in Blades of Glory. I think the kid that played Napoleon Dynamite is starring in it too.

I wasn't so frustrated today. Just absent-minded. I'm sure it's probably a sign of some weird brain disorder. It sickens me to know that everyday is beginning to mesh forming one big long never ending day. I need to do something exciting. Maybe I'll go to work in just underwear. Okay, that's not exciting. That's ballsy and setting my self up for failure and embarrassment. I should go for a drive after work. Something to keep my inner demon at peace. Perhaps I'll go and kick pigeons or something. I dunno know. It's sad to say, but the most exciting thing I did all week was taking my Dyson in for an annual check up. Sick. I need a jolt.

The pic above is from the gallery of Boris Vallejo. I absolutely love his work. I just found the gallery's website. Unfortunately everything there is copyright protected. Right click won't work. Sad. I found this awesome pic. It's called Star Fantasy. I love this pic! I just wish there was a way I could save it onto my computer! Totally would be my new wallpaper! Anyway, I chose the pic above because it says so much without any words. The surrounding is dark, but light enough for observations. She stands in front of the dark, but her reflection, (a bit fuzzy) is surrounded in light. The water is rippling out showing cause and effect. The woman is naked and bearing her entire backside. She is beautiful, smart, and sensual. Not to mention, her tat is awesome. She has sensed something and is slightly consumed by it. I don't know what exactly is going on, but I feel a weird sense of camaraderie with her. Kooky. I think she is brooding over the same boulder vs. wind hypothesis too. Let's face it. Anyone with a huge back tat has to be wind. Boulders don't choose to make their bodies into a mural. They have nothing to say. Unless someone tags them, then they say vulgar things, but it's not by their choice.

I'm still on the hunt for an appropriate dragon for my cover-up.

I guess I should call it a night. Here is my send off:

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

--Hallelujah (on "Shrek" Soundtrack. I love the "Shrek" movies by the way!!!)
Rufus Wainwright

Naughty Nite,

Yokai